...Equality Fail

Some time ago I was taking kid to a doctor. It was late afternoon, so we had to go to a hospital emergency department instead of regular health center. It was nothing serious, it could've waited till the next day, except the next day was Saturday.

It was emergency department for children, so there was huge amount of toys, cartoons coming from two tellys and lots of other kids to play with. Three and half hour was almost too little for kid for he had such a good time. But yes, a lot of waiting.

We saw a nurse first and then a doctor. In between kid had to give two separate urine samples. (Now you know what we suspected was wrong.) But it took like seven minutes together to talk with these people and rest of it was just waiting. That is, pure boredom for me.

Luckily I had prepared us for a long waiting with little snacks. Without them there would've been few tantrums for sure. We shared them with this other kid who was playing with my kid. The other mom looked grateful that I supervised them while she took care of her sick baby. Well, my kid didn't feel sick so it was easy for me and I was glad to help.

When we were finally leaving, she made a comment about the length we both had been there, she was still staying, and also said that her husband would've gone insane after half an hour. My answer was: "Yes, women do what they must do."

On the way home I was so ashamed. Waiting room was almost equally full of dads with their children. Why the hell did I make such a stupid comment? Yes, I think men many times try to slack and leave these kind of things to the mother. But I also know women can be just as lazy. I would be if I could. And those dads in the waiting room seemed all very worried about their children. Not one looked like they were forced there. Actually I saw one couple were the mother seemed like pouting while the dad played with their kid.

I'm still ashamed. I'm very sorry guys.

...adulthood, part 1

Oh yes. I'm very certain there will be more.

This part 1 deals with raising up kids. In plural for I freely admit I'm a very serious case of kidultism. (Wow, just made a new word!) I love pink and cute. Took 30 years to admit it but I'm still partly in that princess phase almost every girl goes through. This picture is from our hallway.

Yes, I use those earmuffs.

I'd be quite happily the kidult I am, but darn! I had a kid of my own. There's just no other way to raise a kid but to grow up myself also. Really. I don't know if raising a kid is that difficult. Much more difficult is to act like an adult myself. To keep up limits, not to eat just desserts, to care about bedtimes etc. etc.

I DON'T WANNA !!!

*whiny voice* I wan't to eat candy whenever. I wan't drink red wine first thing in the morning. I wan't to go dancing in gaybars.

*back to adulthood* I care too much about my kid to be that stupid, but sometimes I just wish...

Super-Achievers.

I grew up believing I can do and be whatever I want to. Until one day I realized that the beauty pageant contestants of that particular year were younger than me. At least most of them. I have no idea why exactly that hit me so badly. I mean, I have never even wanted to participate, so why did that feel so bad?

Anyways, next thing I knew, I read some article about girls on 5th grade (that makes them about 11 yo) who wrote a book together and got it published. I'm such a bad wannabe-writer, been since I was about the same age than those grrr... girls, and at that moment I was 10 years behind!

From there on it was just a realization after another, how people younger than me had already done something big, like started their career when they were 4 yo and have since hired their whole village to make tamagotchis and thus saved their grandmothers and little sisters by paying their hospital bills. Blah blah blah.

When I finally got over it. That I'm a loser. I got my next shock from magazines. Every single one of them has articles about people whose spouses died in a freak accidents but they heroically take now care of their 6 children, a grandmother, 52 cows, 14 chicken and some horses. (No electricity, of course, all natural and organic.) They also home school the kids (who go around performing classical music), sell their farm products in their own store and are about to discover how to cure some major disease.

I'm a single mom, no money, no job and I've had this stupid depression now for several years. I am not inspired.